you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
