She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
