I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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