I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
i need some magic done to my vagina
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
