my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
