it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
