I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
