Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
