Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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