There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
