Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
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