you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
