Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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