I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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