On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Randomize
