Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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