you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
