this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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