A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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