i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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