you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Randomize
