I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
