I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
