My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
