I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
