i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
