Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
