dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
only you would photoshop your dick
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
