I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
