she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
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