I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Randomize
