exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
