that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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