I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize