Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
