So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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