My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
i've created a new STD.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
