I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
