so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I can't turn off my feet"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
