You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
