My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
