yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
