Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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