Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
