Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
