How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
