Yo dont text me then not text me
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Randomize
