I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
