I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
