So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
