I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
