Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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