We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
